#41 December

I’ve missed celebrating Christmas at home, it’s been two years now. But I’m grateful that at least, I got to celebrate it with my family this year at Disney World. I just got back to Exeter yesterday and I miss my family already. It’s a strange thing, missing people. Before the trip, I knew I’d be missing them even more since I’d be seeing them for the first time in 3 months. During those 3 months, I did miss them but I was okay with it; it was like something I got used to over time. And as horrible as this sounds, I knew that seeing them after a long while would “un-do” the status quo of my feelings. But obviously, that is not the mindset I should have. I do appreciate and cherish my short time I had with them on holiday. Now as I’m unpacking my suitcase, I feel a sense of loneliness and homesickness. I guess it’s true when they say nowhere feels like home without your family and loved ones.
I can’t help but feel a sense of dread for the next 5 months or so without being able to see them. I survived 9 months last year without seeing anyone from home except a good old friend of mine, J, who was in London to visit her brother. It’s difficult. Not to mention, i’ve got 2 essays and an exam to study for in less than 2 weeks. I feel daunted and scared to say the least and I wonder how I’m going to pull myself together emotionally to get over missing my family/that sense of homesickness and get down to focus on my work. I haven’t actually been studying for over 3 weeks now and bringing my books to the US to study was of little success.
December has always been my favourite time of the year, family birthdays, Christmas and New Year to look forward to. It passed really quickly after my presentation ended in the first week. I can’t remember much about what happened but the highlight was definitely the trip to Florida. The whole month has been quite relaxing. And its been a rather warm winter so far! I’m really liking the relative warmth.

The end of 2011. So much to reflect on and think about. I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t had the energy and nor have i  set aside time to do that properly yet. But I will. It’s still the first week of the new year (;
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