To be honest, I can’t say I’m in the best of moods right now. Lately, trivial matters have been winding me up; having said that, they have nothing to do with other people. Botched eyebrows aside, the green coat I was excited in receiving in the post is too big for me, despite the website stating that ‘M’ is suitable for sizes 8-10. Gee, talk about deception. Today I dropped my bb on the road and it got scratches ): makes me feel awful for not bringing out my case recently because I’ve been waking up late in the mornings.
I also realised today how foolish I am for not fighting for what I want. Or more accurately, what I ought to want. I knew this would happen but I refused to believe it, brushing it aside and telling myself that it was okay. But i guess its not. Inward jabs of self-blame, spillovers of negativity and incessant self-questioning have formed a somewhat semi-permanent fixture in my consciousness. Courage and ambition. Where do I even begin looking. I’ve got a whirlwind of thoughts in my head at the present moment but I can’t seem to express them. Too cluttered.
I do wonder why, during this week, it seemed as if everything took a sudden downturn. Everything feels all over the place, yet nothing drastic happened to make me feel this way. I know the aforementioned episodes will pass and in time to come, I’ll read these posts knowing that they actually are nothing to worry or be upset about. It’s just that I need to write in this little corner of the internet that I call my own space to sift through my thoughts and emotions. So please do bear with me.
My head has just been struggling to keep with my feelings and all these occurrences, with not much success. So far, at least. And then it hits me that I need to retreat from all this mess and go to that hiding place. The very thing my heart seeks right now is peace. Oh what would I give for a solitary get-away now. Just me, my heart and my brain. Of course, not forgetting pen and paper.