Limbo. That word alone pretty much describes how I feel at the moment. A stage stuck between the past and the present; between the present and the future. The past holds so many memories, both beautiful and ugly. I guess the reason why I embraced the new year with gladness was because I was more than happy to leave the regrets, guilt and mistakes of 2010 behind. What I realise now is that I never knew that deep in my subconscious, all I wanted was to be given a second chance again. By God whom I know is the God of second chances. And by me. Sometimes they’re right when they say the hardest person to forgive is yourself.
It’s hard to find something to look forward to in the present, assumedly because it’s not the future. Sounds ridiculous but it’s so true. We tend to think that the future holds something better and that’s the only thing to look forward to. If anything at all, I’ve recently become open to the idea of living day-by-day, taking each one as it comes. Finding little joys in the smallest and most inane of things in everyday life. Waking up each morning to consciously thank God for a new day. Ending the day in unloading burdens at His feet. Repeat. I’d like to try this. It’s so reassuring knowing that you don’t have to wait for a year to go by in order to have a fresh start. I’m ready to move on into a new phase in my life that is 2011, a new start in friendships both old and new, the next stage of relationship, the renewed attitude towards studying and most importantly, a fresh start with God once more.
So to the barren, chaotic, reckless life I had, I’m more than happy to say goodbye. And hello to (fairly) exciting, (hopefully) God-led life.
“A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.”
After all these years, I finally understood the weight of this verse.