To be honest, I’m not particularly excited about the new year. The only thing though, that I’m really looking forward to is coming back home in June ^^
2010 has been nothing short of eventful. I received my A’Level results, enrolled in Mass Comm at Ngee Ann Poly for 4 months, made lots of friends, found a T-Rex, went to the US with the family, left all I held dear to come to the UK to study and spent my first white Christmas with a lovely family up in Staffordshire. My emotions have been through adrenaline, through depressants – basically, went from hell to heaven and back and forth. I’d never cried so much yet laughed so much in one year. Strange as that statement sounds. Looking back, it seemed like the year I lost myself. Life was cacophonous, especially in the few months leading up to me leaving for the UK. I’ve never found it so hard to keep tabs on myself. Somehow, I seemed to have lost sight of the woman God had intended for me to be. So many ‘what ifs’ have I thrown at myself; self-reflections were synonymous with self-doubt, self-condemnation and despair. All these expressed themselves in what is now closely tied into my personality, a self-deprecatory brand of humour. It seemed the only way to cope with my self-disappointment. It didn’t help that some friends drifted, swamped by busyness on both sides.
Well. Despite all the negativity, there was some good. In the midst of floundering in life, hopelessly grasping all that might make my life meaningful, I realise now that God was teaching me to find myself through Him. He was there for me, regardless of whether I turned to Him or not. Saying goodbye to close friends and loved ones was painful to say the least. I was being uprooted from my comfort zone to an unfamiliar place. I recognised that God was my only constant. And it is by His grace and the love and care that the people back home continuously shower me with that I am still ‘sane’. God has been so real and good to me over here that I realise in retrospect, that if only I had been still enough to listen to Him back then.
God has opened my eyes to see the Almighty God that He is and the humble human being I am. I’m thankful for the people He has put in my life to humble me and remind me that I have more than enough reason to be appreciative of everything I have. Things and people I have taken for granted in the past, I now appreciate. Those I did appreciate back then, I appreciate even more so now.
3 months have gone by so quickly. 6 more to go. Yet I know that it’s not the number of months that matter but what I make out of the remaining ones over here before I go home for the summer. I can’t say I’ve been super motivated to study since coming here. Term 1 has been pretty slack, given that there were no exams or major tests. This week being the last week of the Christmas break, I am consciously reminding myself to ‘pull up my socks’ for this coming term. Exams are in 4 weeks or so and I’ve barely gotten started on revision. I know procrastination that stems from being daunted by the task itself isn’t justifiable. For some reason, even though I know I have people cheering me on in my studies, the motivation that will really get me going has to come from within. All I ask from God in this aspect of my life is that He alone will be my motivation, as He was for my O’s. And that I will do my best in order to glorify Him.
So. Some of my 2011 resolutions as adapted from my journal.
1) To journal during quiet times at least once a week.
2) Count my blessings every day (Mum says this is the secret to a happy heart!)
3) To honour my parents
4) To prioritise time with family
5) No F* words, not even under my breath
6) To listen more to others and talk less if I have to
7) To be financially accountable
8) Get >75% for foundation overall grade
9) Pick up a new language: French or Spanish
10) Get an internship during summer break
11) Learn to cook Peranakan dishes from Popo
12) Take up some form of exercise in uni – horse riding and/or aerobics
13) Be part of student bible study group in church
To my good friends who are reading this, please remind me about my goals for this year, else they become an epic failure just like their 2010 counterparts did. Thanks. I do have some unofficial goals like snack less, read more books, keep up with movies that I want to watch (honestly I think I’ve become a movie-hermit since my replies to a typical question like ‘Have you seen [insert title of latest movie screening at the moment]?” is 90% “No”. Sad right.) And I do want to be a happier person. That doesn’t mean I’m chirpy all the time but it means no matter the circumstances, I will choose to be contented because God enables me to.
All right. I got to get back to the history essay that makes up 50% of my grade! AHHH. D: